| Copyright 2010 Dale Robbins |
| Archive |
Volume 1:
Issue 1. March 13, 2010
Issue 1. March 13, 2010
This week's job was found on careerbuilder.com. For all you former military and
police professionals who are looking to travel and tan, how about a security guard
job at an embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan?
police professionals who are looking to travel and tan, how about a security guard
job at an embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan?
photo by the US Department of Defense
Forget 401k's and dental. According to the
posting, this job pays six figures and you will "be a
part of history". And Kabul is really lovely this time
of year. Frolic through the poppy fields, tiptoe
through the mine fields, and enjoy picturesque
vistas of dirt for as far as the eye can see.
posting, this job pays six figures and you will "be a
part of history". And Kabul is really lovely this time
of year. Frolic through the poppy fields, tiptoe
through the mine fields, and enjoy picturesque
vistas of dirt for as far as the eye can see.
Position: Rookie
Squirrel owners need not apply
Squirrel owners need not apply
KCS Concepts, Inc. has posted a gem of a career opportunity on careerbuilder.com titled: "Rookie wanted for our team".
A visit to their website reveals the president of the company "was both a graduate and hockey player for Elmira
College..." Well, now that we know we are in good hands, where do I sign up? Not so fast. According to the posting,
some people are not welcome:
A visit to their website reveals the president of the company "was both a graduate and hockey player for Elmira
College..." Well, now that we know we are in good hands, where do I sign up? Not so fast. According to the posting,
some people are not welcome:
"A candidate that we would NOT be interested in working with would most likely call
our office one day and state one of the following:
1. I’m having an allergic reaction to that turkey bacon, and I need a day to recover.
2. My wife/husband is extremely ill and I need to stay home and take care of them...
oh, did I forget to mention that I got married last weekend?
3. My cousin's best friend's uncle's son got in trouble at his high school and I am
going to have to miss today...ya know, to pick him up.
4. I took some work home last night and will be going through it today...from home.
5. My accountant made some clerical errors on my taxes and I’m being audited.
6. My wife left the window open…my flying squirrel is missing…animal control is on
the way."
Job posting
our office one day and state one of the following:
1. I’m having an allergic reaction to that turkey bacon, and I need a day to recover.
2. My wife/husband is extremely ill and I need to stay home and take care of them...
oh, did I forget to mention that I got married last weekend?
3. My cousin's best friend's uncle's son got in trouble at his high school and I am
going to have to miss today...ya know, to pick him up.
4. I took some work home last night and will be going through it today...from home.
5. My accountant made some clerical errors on my taxes and I’m being audited.
6. My wife left the window open…my flying squirrel is missing…animal control is on
the way."
Job posting
Volume 1:
Issue 2. March 20, 2010
Issue 2. March 20, 2010
Artist Ruane Manning is proud to have his work in the collections of three U.S.
Presidents. Don't have a Ruane Manning in your home? Well now you can.
Presidents. Don't have a Ruane Manning in your home? Well now you can.
If owning fine art on a $10 clock was not exciting
enough, imagine my joy to learn the clock plays
horse noises each hour! But wait, there's more.
You can have the watch version for FREE when
you buy the clock!
enough, imagine my joy to learn the clock plays
horse noises each hour! But wait, there's more.
You can have the watch version for FREE when
you buy the clock!
| Get yours today! www.buyhorseclock.com |
Job of the Week
Job of the Week
Buy of the Week
Volume 1:
Issue 3. March 27, 2010
Issue 3. March 27, 2010
Employer: Central Intelligence Agency
Position: Machinist (Gadget Maker)
Position: Machinist (Gadget Maker)
The CIA is looking for someone to "...design and fabricate devices needed to address challenges
driven by operational needs...must also modify and customize commercial products in support of
specific technical requirements." Your first task is to build a deadly toaster and a custom chair.
driven by operational needs...must also modify and customize commercial products in support of
specific technical requirements." Your first task is to build a deadly toaster and a custom chair.
| Velvet Sara Palin |
Artist Zenon Jimenez and Indignico Inc.,
known for "quality you can feel", present
"an authentic Mexican Black Velvet
Painting" of Sara Palin.
$149 (frame not included)
Velvet Sara Palin ebay listing
Indignico website
known for "quality you can feel", present
"an authentic Mexican Black Velvet
Painting" of Sara Palin.
$149 (frame not included)
Velvet Sara Palin ebay listing
Indignico website
Indignico Inc. www.velvetpaintings.com
photos by the US Department of Defense
Buy of the Week
Job of the Week
| JOIN US ON FACEBOOK. TO BECOME A FAN, CLICK BELOW. |
Volume 1, Issue 4
April 3, 2010
April 3, 2010
Buy of the Week
Job of the Week
The makers of the pet food
Pedigree and Whiskas need some
one to make quality ingredient mixes
for customers who eat their own
waste and lick their own body parts.
Job posting
Pedigree and Whiskas need some
one to make quality ingredient mixes
for customers who eat their own
waste and lick their own body parts.
Job posting
USDA
This week's buy is on ebay. It's a rusty car.
For $700 you can own the corpse of a 1956
Nash Metropolitan and a stack of old rusty
parts! It will need some fixing up but when it is
restored you could have a car that looks like
this: (click here). Why did they ever stop
making this gem of practicality and style?
For $700 you can own the corpse of a 1956
Nash Metropolitan and a stack of old rusty
parts! It will need some fixing up but when it is
restored you could have a car that looks like
this: (click here). Why did they ever stop
making this gem of practicality and style?
ebay
Volume 1, Issue 5
April 10, 2010
April 10, 2010
Employer: Toyota Financial Services
Position: Customer Loyalty Advocate (Miracle Maker)
Position: Customer Loyalty Advocate (Miracle Maker)
"I am sorry your vehicle was recalled
or ran into a wall. But, your lease is
almost up. Would you like another
one?"
Is your glass always half full? If so,
Toyota is looking for you.
See job posting
or ran into a wall. But, your lease is
almost up. Would you like another
one?"
Is your glass always half full? If so,
Toyota is looking for you.
See job posting
Job of the Week
Buy of the Week
While walking along, minding your own business
a snowball fight breaks out. Why fight back like
a common savage, hurling handmade snowballs?
Whip out your snowball maker and show those
kids who owns the neighborhood.
Get yours here.
a snowball fight breaks out. Why fight back like
a common savage, hurling handmade snowballs?
Whip out your snowball maker and show those
kids who owns the neighborhood.
Get yours here.
asseenontv.com
Volume 1, Issue 6
April 17, 2010
April 17, 2010
Did you know Donald Trump has a Multi-level
marketing line? Talk about the best of two
worlds.
You can start your own business buying
products you won't sell, from a man who has
filed multiple bankruptcies. If there is a better
way to get rich, I have not heard of it.
Trump Network
marketing line? Talk about the best of two
worlds.
You can start your own business buying
products you won't sell, from a man who has
filed multiple bankruptcies. If there is a better
way to get rich, I have not heard of it.
Trump Network
Job of the Week
This week's "buy" is actually free.
"Flame the Web" can be found on the promotional
website for the movie: How to Train Your Dragon.
In simple terms, you can set a web page on fire.
Not happy with a news story you read? Burn it.
Don't like this week's issue of Reasons for
Leaving? Set it on fire!
CLICK HERE TO TRY IT
"Flame the Web" can be found on the promotional
website for the movie: How to Train Your Dragon.
In simple terms, you can set a web page on fire.
Not happy with a news story you read? Burn it.
Don't like this week's issue of Reasons for
Leaving? Set it on fire!
CLICK HERE TO TRY IT
Buy of the Week
As you rest from your labors at your
commune, you wonder: "I have minimized
my carbon footprint but can I do more?"
Yes you can! The Huffington Post is in
need of web interns. Fight against
conservatism and capitalism on the
battlefield of Facebook and Twitter.
Job posting
commune, you wonder: "I have minimized
my carbon footprint but can I do more?"
Yes you can! The Huffington Post is in
need of web interns. Fight against
conservatism and capitalism on the
battlefield of Facebook and Twitter.
Job posting
This week's buy is the bomb. Really.
No dining room is complete without the remnants of a WWII
bomb converted into a table/lamp.
And it can be yours for only $1,111.99
ebay link
No dining room is complete without the remnants of a WWII
bomb converted into a table/lamp.
And it can be yours for only $1,111.99
ebay link
Volume 1, Issue 7
April 24, 2010
April 24, 2010
Job of the Week
Buy of the Week
Volume 1, Issue 8
May 1, 2010
May 1, 2010
Employer: YouTube
Position: Copyright Compliance Associate
Did you ever enjoy busting your friends for breaking
rules? Perhaps you were Hall Monitor or on the
Safety Patrol.
YouTube is looking for someone to shut down
accounts whenever Disney complains. Bring your
buzz kill skills to the internet.
Position: Copyright Compliance Associate
Did you ever enjoy busting your friends for breaking
rules? Perhaps you were Hall Monitor or on the
Safety Patrol.
YouTube is looking for someone to shut down
accounts whenever Disney complains. Bring your
buzz kill skills to the internet.
Investment firms spend millions to pay actual rocket scientists to
determine the best investment strategy. But now anyone can be the
next Gordan Gekko just by attending a free seminar and buying some
software.
You have probably seen their commercials on TV. And why shouldn't
you buy software endorsed by Jimmy Johnson?
Visit the Better Trades website at
www.bettertrades.org
determine the best investment strategy. But now anyone can be the
next Gordan Gekko just by attending a free seminar and buying some
software.
You have probably seen their commercials on TV. And why shouldn't
you buy software endorsed by Jimmy Johnson?
Visit the Better Trades website at
www.bettertrades.org
Job of the Week
Buy of the Week
Employer: British Petroleum (BP)
Position: Process Safety and Risk Engineer
Do you have a knack for avoiding disasters?
Bring your 21st century engineering skills to
the exciting world of oil exploration.
BP Jobs site
Position: Process Safety and Risk Engineer
Do you have a knack for avoiding disasters?
Bring your 21st century engineering skills to
the exciting world of oil exploration.
BP Jobs site
Introducing Culturelle, a "probiotic" or "good
bacteria". Just like the little things in yogurt,
this stuff is supposed to be good for you too.
If the thought of little critters in your belly is
not exciting enough for you, you can celebrate
your granolaness in style with a free "I love
bacteria" t-shirt.
And coming soon: "I love germs" and "I love
fungus". (No word yet on the status of "I love
filth")
Click here for the shirt
bacteria". Just like the little things in yogurt,
this stuff is supposed to be good for you too.
If the thought of little critters in your belly is
not exciting enough for you, you can celebrate
your granolaness in style with a free "I love
bacteria" t-shirt.
And coming soon: "I love germs" and "I love
fungus". (No word yet on the status of "I love
filth")
Click here for the shirt
Volume 1, Issue 9
May 9, 2010
May 9, 2010
Job of the Week
Buy of the Week
Volume 1, Issue 10
May 16, 2010
May 16, 2010
Employer: Harris County (TX) Schools
Position: Teacher/Mob Enforcer
Harris County Schools has a new opening
for a teacher after they fired a teacher for
inflicting a gangster style beat down on a
student. Do you have a criminal record?
No problem! The previous teacher had a
year old arrest warrant and was still
"teaching."
read article
Position: Teacher/Mob Enforcer
Harris County Schools has a new opening
for a teacher after they fired a teacher for
inflicting a gangster style beat down on a
student. Do you have a criminal record?
No problem! The previous teacher had a
year old arrest warrant and was still
"teaching."
read article
| The Ford Flex |
The Ford formula for creativity:
Something from the 90's + a big rear end = new product!
+
If the Flex is successful, be on the
look out for MC Hammer and Vanilla
Ice with butt implants.
look out for MC Hammer and Vanilla
Ice with butt implants.
=
Job of the Week
Buy of the Week
Volume 1, Issue 11
May 23, 2010
May 23, 2010
Job of the Week
Buy of the Week
Employer: eHarmony
Position: Scientific Matchmaker
eHarmony has multiple positions for stat wizards and web
geniuses. Be a part of the ever growing science of making
the perfect couple.
"eHarmony, eHarmony make me a match, find me a find..."
eHarmony jobs site
Position: Scientific Matchmaker
eHarmony has multiple positions for stat wizards and web
geniuses. Be a part of the ever growing science of making
the perfect couple.
"eHarmony, eHarmony make me a match, find me a find..."
eHarmony jobs site
| The Fushigi Ball |
Are you looking for the perfect way to keep friends
platonic? Search no more. Introducing the Fushigi
Ball.
Remember David Bowie's ball trick in the
Labyrinth? It is like that, only this is a ball inside a
ball and it looks like it is floating. Hours of
antisocial behavior can be yours for only $19.99!
www.fushigiball.com
platonic? Search no more. Introducing the Fushigi
Ball.
Remember David Bowie's ball trick in the
Labyrinth? It is like that, only this is a ball inside a
ball and it looks like it is floating. Hours of
antisocial behavior can be yours for only $19.99!
www.fushigiball.com
| CAR SALESMEN AT THEIR NEW JOBS |
Employer: National Football League
Position: Director of Officiating
Here is your chance to oversee an entire league of referees by
reviewing every questionable call, in every game, every week.
Do you know everything about football? The NFL is looking for you!
NFL Job Posting
Position: Director of Officiating
Here is your chance to oversee an entire league of referees by
reviewing every questionable call, in every game, every week.
Do you know everything about football? The NFL is looking for you!
NFL Job Posting
Do you remember the excitement of opening a crisp new
pack of baseball cards, the taste of the gum that lasted
20 seconds and the thrill of trading cards on the
neighborhood card exchange?
Relive the good times thanks to this ebay listing. The
lister is liquidating over 200 cases of unopened cards
from the 80's and 90's. The seller acquired the cards in
an estate auction of a sports collectibles store owner.
Who knows what you might find!
ebay listing
pack of baseball cards, the taste of the gum that lasted
20 seconds and the thrill of trading cards on the
neighborhood card exchange?
Relive the good times thanks to this ebay listing. The
lister is liquidating over 200 cases of unopened cards
from the 80's and 90's. The seller acquired the cards in
an estate auction of a sports collectibles store owner.
Who knows what you might find!
ebay listing
"Hotdogs, Yes! Steriods, NO!"
Volume 1, Issue 12
June 6, 2010
June 6, 2010
Job of the Week
Buy of the Week
| World Cup antics at the workplace |
This week's feature is a look at job advice columns. It seems yahoo and other sites
are always running some fluff piece offering "advice" to job seekers (for example,
click here) Occasionally there is some good information, but most of it is ridiculous.
The problem with these articles is they do not take into account the reality that the
person who interviewed before you is romantically involved with or related to the
person who is interviewing you. Here are some of my favorite quotes for interviews:
are always running some fluff piece offering "advice" to job seekers (for example,
click here) Occasionally there is some good information, but most of it is ridiculous.
The problem with these articles is they do not take into account the reality that the
person who interviewed before you is romantically involved with or related to the
person who is interviewing you. Here are some of my favorite quotes for interviews:
- "Dont ask the receptionist for a breathe mint."
- "Remember to smile and be friendly"
- "A way to confirm you've stayed positive is to ask towards the end, "Is
there something you heard today that concerns you about my ability to
do this job?" - "Wear an expensive watch to an interview for a minimum-wage job and
you may be perceived as over-qualified. Wear a cheap watch to an
interview for an executive job, and well ... (Note: This also applies to
shoes). You may even fall victim to watch discrimination if you don't
wear any watch at all. A watch on your wrist shouts "punctuality" to a lot
of HR professionals; not wearing one suggests the opposite."
I have always had a problem with sit ups. I am
really good with the falling back part, but the sitting
up is hard work.
But now the Ab Rocket sits me up and even has
rollers to message my back. All I need now is a
cup holder for my milkshake.
AB Rocket website
really good with the falling back part, but the sitting
up is hard work.
But now the Ab Rocket sits me up and even has
rollers to message my back. All I need now is a
cup holder for my milkshake.
AB Rocket website
The AB Rocket: Sit ups for lazy people
Volume 1, Issue 13
June 17, 2010
June 17, 2010
Job of the Week
Buy of the Week
Employer: Our365 Newborn photography
Position: Bilingual Newborn Photographer
This will be a hard position to fill. Bilingual families are common, but it
takes a while for the baby to become bilingual. And even if they manage to
find one, chances are its photography skills are not great.
I could be misreading the job posting. Maybe they are looking for someone
to take pictures of bilingual newborns. Either way it sounds like a great job.
Job Posting
Position: Bilingual Newborn Photographer
This will be a hard position to fill. Bilingual families are common, but it
takes a while for the baby to become bilingual. And even if they manage to
find one, chances are its photography skills are not great.
I could be misreading the job posting. Maybe they are looking for someone
to take pictures of bilingual newborns. Either way it sounds like a great job.
Job Posting
Domino's Pizza entered the market by telling America: "It won't necessarily be great, but it will get there
in 30 minutes."
The company's new appeal: " We've changed our crust, sauce, and cheese. And hopefully your mind."
And to show they mean business they are offering 2 medium 2 topping pizzas for $12, sticking it to the
1 XL Papa John's for $12 or the 2 inferior larges you could get from Little Caesar's for $10.
This mix of price leadership and product differentiation all in one hot and juicy mix, is a form of
marketing I can only describe as "marketlicious"!
Domino's website
in 30 minutes."
The company's new appeal: " We've changed our crust, sauce, and cheese. And hopefully your mind."
And to show they mean business they are offering 2 medium 2 topping pizzas for $12, sticking it to the
1 XL Papa John's for $12 or the 2 inferior larges you could get from Little Caesar's for $10.
This mix of price leadership and product differentiation all in one hot and juicy mix, is a form of
marketing I can only describe as "marketlicious"!
Domino's website
Volume 1, Issue 14
June 24, 2010
June 24, 2010
Job of the Week
Buy of the Week
| Special Feature: Avoid the "No Fly List". |
Employer: Transportation Security Administration
Position: Transportation Security Officer
Are you ready for the front line of the War on Terror?
If so, TSA needs you!
Position: Transportation Security Officer
Are you ready for the front line of the War on Terror?
If so, TSA needs you!
Keep our skies safe with your ability to lift bags, pilfer luggage, lift bags, check boarding
passes, see people naked with high tech equipment, lift bags, harass children, and lift bags.
A GED and a good strong back will put you on the fast track to job security and a hunched
over retirement.
Job Posting
passes, see people naked with high tech equipment, lift bags, harass children, and lift bags.
A GED and a good strong back will put you on the fast track to job security and a hunched
over retirement.
Job Posting
Isolated media reports exist of children banned from air travel because their name is similar to suspected terrorists. You have waited all year for that
vacation only to find out at the airport that one of your children will not be going with you. The key to avoid this unfortunate mix up: Planning.
The "No Fly List" is classified, but the Treasury Department's Office of Foreign Asset Control publishes a list of people who are prohibited from opening
bank accounts in the U.S. It is probably safe to assume these people are on the "No Fly List". Refer to this list before naming your child. For example:
vacation only to find out at the airport that one of your children will not be going with you. The key to avoid this unfortunate mix up: Planning.
The "No Fly List" is classified, but the Treasury Department's Office of Foreign Asset Control publishes a list of people who are prohibited from opening
bank accounts in the U.S. It is probably safe to assume these people are on the "No Fly List". Refer to this list before naming your child. For example:
|
Volume 1, Issue 15
July 1, 2010
July 1, 2010
Job of the Week
| Special Feature: Product Warning Labels |
Label on a paint can
Well there goes my Saturday morning berries and
paint smoothie!
paint smoothie!
Label on a bottle of throat spray
Please tell me how to spit out a fine mist of medicine
when it is already in my throat.
when it is already in my throat.
From an owner's manual for a handgun
Do you promise? Because, I kind of need to be sure about this.
Label on a milk jug.
Well, thanks for sharing anyways.
Volume 1, Issue 16
July 8, 2010
July 8, 2010
"Dear sirs, please help us with a wire transfer."
Employer: Facebook
Position: Law Enforcement Response Analyst
Facebook is looking for someone fluent in French to work from
their Dublin, Ireland office and process French record requests
and subpoenas. It's the best of both worlds!
Maybe you can help bust and spy ring or find a deposed African
Prince who needs help getting his money out of the country.
Job Posting
Position: Law Enforcement Response Analyst
Facebook is looking for someone fluent in French to work from
their Dublin, Ireland office and process French record requests
and subpoenas. It's the best of both worlds!
Maybe you can help bust and spy ring or find a deposed African
Prince who needs help getting his money out of the country.
Job Posting
Anti Monkey Butt Powder
A new era of product branding is upon us. I am not even sure if it works, but what a
name! According to the company's website: "It is Ideal for butt busting activities such as
truck driving, motorcycling, bicycling, horse back riding, and extreme sports."
A product this bold deserves a chance.
Anti Monkey Butt Website
name! According to the company's website: "It is Ideal for butt busting activities such as
truck driving, motorcycling, bicycling, horse back riding, and extreme sports."
A product this bold deserves a chance.
Anti Monkey Butt Website
Volume 1, Issue 17
July 15, 2010
July 15, 2010
Job of the Week
Buy of the Week
| Special Feature: Beware the "Spendy's" Value Trap |
I went to one of my favorite fast food places the other day. Let's just call it
"Spendy's". I ordered a "small" soda. In my mind, small is synonymous with
the size of a soda on the "value" menu. To my surprise I saw the item
come up on the screen for $1.50 and I quickly remembered the $.99 soda is
called the value size. I corrected the ordered and was spared a grave
injustice.
What's the big deal you ask? A small soda is 20 oz. while a value soda is
16 oz. That extra 4 oz. costs $.50 which is the equivalent of $16 per gallon.
And you thought fuel prices were high!
"Spendy's". I ordered a "small" soda. In my mind, small is synonymous with
the size of a soda on the "value" menu. To my surprise I saw the item
come up on the screen for $1.50 and I quickly remembered the $.99 soda is
called the value size. I corrected the ordered and was spared a grave
injustice.
What's the big deal you ask? A small soda is 20 oz. while a value soda is
16 oz. That extra 4 oz. costs $.50 which is the equivalent of $16 per gallon.
And you thought fuel prices were high!
And it's the same sad story for fries. A "value" size order
of french fries is 2.5 oz. and costs $.99 while the "small"
size is 4 oz. and sells for $1.50. That extra 1.5 oz. costs
$.50 or $5.28 a pound.
To put this in perspective, copper; (the stuff people tear
out of their walls after foreclosure) trades for around $3 a
pound.
While I will continue to visit "Spendy's" I have to remind
myself that "Value" really is a value and "Small" is for
suckers.
of french fries is 2.5 oz. and costs $.99 while the "small"
size is 4 oz. and sells for $1.50. That extra 1.5 oz. costs
$.50 or $5.28 a pound.
To put this in perspective, copper; (the stuff people tear
out of their walls after foreclosure) trades for around $3 a
pound.
While I will continue to visit "Spendy's" I have to remind
myself that "Value" really is a value and "Small" is for
suckers.
Volume 1, Issue 18
July 22, 2010
July 22, 2010